Better Than A Pink Flamingo

Sunday morning. Watching "New Homes" show in the boob tube.

A woman whose hair is a shade of red that can only come from a cheap bottle of colour, wearing a puke green suit with a purplish scarf, brays enthusiastically about a new subdivision that she likens to the Andalusian region of Spain. Her basis for comparison? Homes will be situated on a slope like the terraced hills of Spain. Rightee-oh.

Every house is at least 3000 square feet, bloated and bland, its mediocrity obscured with splashes of marble and tile. Lots of bling, identical to the house next door.

***

Realtor Lingo:

Professional Landscaping = Contractor hired a team of underpayed illegals to lay some sod and plant a few sickly yuccas.

Views for Miles = Views of McMansions just like yours.

Surrounded by wildlife = Termites, since all the actual wildlife went the way of the dodo, when the developer leveled everything for miles.

Spacious = Twenty-foot ceilings in entry and living room suitable for roosting pigeons.

Liveable From Day One = Has indoor plumbing.

Big, Beautiful Homes = Big, boxy, ugly and situated on a postage stamp.

Wonderful Sense of Community = Homeowners' association that would put the Nazis to shame.

***

My house may be tiny and lacking in tile and other "must haves," but it has one of these in the backyard.



Nikster, The Un-Flamingo

Love,
P. Kirby