Curb Your Human

You know the scenario. It's a lovely day and you're out for a walk with your family. You, your husband/wife/partner, the family dog (leashed) and your adorable offspring.

As you round a corner, you spot another person approaching. Like you, this person is out walking the dog. Well, sort of.

Fido is off the leash and his Idiot Owner makes no attempt to call him and put him on a leash. Instead, just as Fido spots you and rushes toward you in a flurry of snarls and bared teeth, Idiot Owner says ...

Guess.

Come on, it's easy.


Yeah. You got it.


"Don't worry. He's friendly." (Famous last words of every irresponsible dog owner.)

Translation, "You better pray he's friendly since I have neither the desire nor the ability to control Fido."

So now Fido has you and your terrorized family backed up to the edge of a cliff. Mr. Friendly is doing an Oscar-worthy impression of Cujo, snapping, snarling and white spittle flying from his mouth.

And Idiot Owner, who is very slowly approaching, unconcerned, says, "He's just saying, 'Hello.'"

Translation: "If you don't move, he won't bite."

At which point, Fido lunges and jumps on you, your partner, and your children and then starts a fight with your dog.

Idiot Owner finally arrives and drags Fido away just before he starts gnawing on your leg like it's a steak bone. Idiot then says, with a suspicious frown at your bloodied family that suggests the altercation is the victims' fault, "Well, gosh, he's never done that before."

Translation: "He's never drawn blood before."

Remember back in the day, when people would complain about ill behaved children? Back when rotten parents would let their kids run amuck in restaurants and movie theaters.

A fortunate side effect of "stranger danger," is that nowadays, most parents won't let their kids out of the house without an armed escort, so unruly children in public places are a thing of the past. (The unfortunate side effect is that kids nowadays don't have much of a childhood, since fun activities like riding your bike in the neighborhood aren't allowed.)

The rotten parents/children of yesterday are today's irresponsible dog owners and their pets.

(A very large stick is now a requirement for the greyhound's daily walk. Funny thing is that just the sight of the stick, especially if I give it a casual, but slightly threatening twirl, is enough to encourage Idiot Owner to leash Fido.)