Ramblings from the Desert

The man who trades freedom for security does not deserve nor will he ever receive either. ~Benjamin Franklin

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Location: New Mexico

Author of the urban fantasy novel, The Music of Chaos, and the paranormal romance, The Canvas Thief.

Tuesday, April 20, 2010

Politician to English Primer

With the June primaries just around the corner, the first round of political ads are starting to hit the airwaves. At this point, everyone's ad is filled with feel-good, nonsensical blather. There is real meaning buried under the bullshit, though it takes a backhoe to dig it out.

Politician: This campaign, it's all jobs:
Translation: It's all about me getting this job.

Politician: I will clean up corruption
Translation: I'll fire the last guy's cronies and bring in my own cronies.

Politician: Put an end to job-killing regulations:
Translation: No more clean water or breathable air. And workplace safety? Fuggetaboutit. Who wants to live forever?

Politician: We don't need more politicians.
Translation: I'm not a politician. I'm...a cute little kitten. Mwrawr.

Politician: I've got a single focus. Clean up New Mexico and get people back to work.
Translation: There will be jobs. Maids and janitors are jobs, no?

Politician: I'm running for Lieutenant Governor.
Translation: After my unsuccessful run for Governor, I've decided to set my sights lower.

Politician: New Mexico is huge. (Seriously. This is a real politician's statement)
Translation: I once looked at a map.

Politician: I'm a family man.
Translation: I've got viable sperm.

Politician: I'm a successful business owner.
Translation: I haven't been indicted for running a Ponzi scheme. Yet.

Politician: My roots in New Mexico go back several generations.
Translation: When not running clever Ponzi schemes, I spend my time at Ancestry.com

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