Ramblings from the Desert

The man who trades freedom for security does not deserve nor will he ever receive either. ~Benjamin Franklin

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Location: New Mexico

Author of the urban fantasy novel, The Music of Chaos, and the paranormal romance, The Canvas Thief.

Wednesday, April 14, 2010

Fizzling Sparks

Cracked.com has a rather charming riff on Nicholas Sparks, the romance writer "who doesn't write romance novels." Dude. If it quacks like a duck.

My first and only exposure to Sparks is via the loathsome novel, The Choice.

I can't remember the moronic heroine's name. Let's just call her Idiota.

Idiota has a pet--an unspayed female Sheltie. And Idiota is shocked, shocked I tell you, when her doggie ends up pregnant. So appalled that she uses words like "sullied" and "violated" to describe her dog's condition.

She promptly blames the neighbor's dog for the pregnancy. Herein, lies the stupid.

First, the neighbor's dog is neutered. The dog is a short haired breed, so it's screamingly obvious that Fido lacks the necessary accoutrements for procreation. Second, Little Miss Packing Peanuts for Brains could have avoided the mess by spaying her dog.

Neither prevents Idiota from marching over and accusing neighbor and his dog of affecting immaculate conception on her little canine virgin Mary.

The neighbor, who has long harbored a fear of siring children smarter than a toaster, immediately falls in love with Idiota. They marry and she provides him the litter of special ed. children he's always longed for.

The overall I.Q. of the story goes up several points, when Mrs. I Flunked High School Biology falls into a long coma.

With The Choice, the stupid doesn't just burn, it obliterates like a nuclear blast.

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