Ramblings from the Desert

The man who trades freedom for security does not deserve nor will he ever receive either. ~Benjamin Franklin

My Photo
Location: New Mexico

Author of the urban fantasy novel, The Music of Chaos, and the paranormal romance, The Canvas Thief.

Tuesday, August 08, 2006

Wingnuts With Businesses, Part Deux

Despite less than eight inches of rain a year, Albuquerque, New Mexico can grow some big wingnuts. Case in point, the owner of StoneGate Turfgrass Ranch, who claims that Albuquerque is as wet as the tropics. Who knew? StoneGate makes their case with a full page ad in a local shoppers' guide.

Note: The following was typed exactly as seen in the ad, including all grammatical and punctuation errors.

Several weeks ago the city of Albuquerque (read that as, "people whom we voted into office to protect our rights?") imposed water restriction on the use of water..."Watering lawns?"

While I read the frequent use of exclamation points (!) as "long-winded, unhinged, anti-environmentalist rant herein."

The program works something like this...water only on Tuesday, Thursday and Saturday...any other day caught watering and your neighbor is encouraged to report your actions to the authorities. Sounds a lot like that book "1984!"

"Sounds a lot like that book 1984." Meaning this nut actually read a book? What do you bet this twit thinks the Patriot Act, which infringes on numerous civil liberties, is just nifty. Hypocrisy, much?

"The program works something like this..." Well, that's exactly how it works. People are supposed to water on alternate days depending on their address.

Was the program devised to save water? (For what and for whom?)

For whom? Well, your children and grandchildren, for starters.

Well, little did the politicians know, but watering 3-4 days per week is adequate to maintain a lush and healthy landscape!

Whee! Another exclamation point. Uh, I think the politicians do know that watering 3-4 days per week is adequate. Hence the schedule.

All one needs to do is water twice as long on the appropriate days.

In other words, there are ways around the law. I thought wingnuts were all about "The Rule of Law." At any rate, by planting the right kinds of plants (not bluegrass lawn), you can water less and have a healthy, lush landscape. (See any of my garden photos on this blog.)

Actually, after the water restrictions are lifted one would do well to continue the 3-4 day watering schedule...forget about saving water...save $ on your water bill.

"...forget about saving water..." In other words, fuck the environment, because we're all gonna be Raptured soon anyway.

And I love the wingnut logic. "...save $ on your water bill." If you are watering every other day, but twice as long, you are using the same amount of water, hence your water bill will not decrease. It seems, the writer paid as little attention in math class as he did in English.

The water restriction progam was really aimed at hurting the property owner with an investment in their landscape...those who truly care about property values...those who pay the most taxes...

Because City Council is made up of meany-beanies who hate rich people. Oh, the plight of the rich.

...those who want to improve our quality of life

Because my neighbor's enormous expanse of water-slurping lawn will save the world. I mean, really, all that water dumped on a lawn in the desert will somehow offset all the bad karma in the world, the Middle East will find peace, hungry children will be fed, the poor shall overcome.

Oh, wait, that might hurt the rich. Scratch that. Fuck the environment!

...those who help make Albuquerque a nice place to live.

Once again, the Lawn Ranger rides to Albuquerque's rescue.

(And for the love of God, use commas instead of ellipses when making a list.)

A water restriction program is designed to scare people into believeing that we have a water shortage; which is miles from the actual truth.

Albuquerque is a tropic rain forest. See all the trees and the verdant native vegetation? No, of course not. Dipshit, because Albuquerque is located in a desert.

Rejoice...as of this date we have no deficit in our average annual rainfall...we will survive!

"We will survive." Thank you Donna Summer. Little issues (scary science stuff) like inadequate winter precipitation for the last two years escape this moron. Ever heard of snowpack? Guess not.

A mind is a terrible thing to waste on a wingnut.



Graphics and Content Copyright © Patricia Kirby 2005