Ramblings from the Desert

The man who trades freedom for security does not deserve nor will he ever receive either. ~Benjamin Franklin

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Location: New Mexico

Author of the urban fantasy novel, The Music of Chaos, and the paranormal romance, The Canvas Thief.

Friday, July 21, 2006

Like a Kirby

Vacuum, that is.

Was recently thinking about bad movies again. I mean bad as defined by me, not some critic, which means some of the movies I hate are loved by critics.

"Bad" also means "took itself way too seriously" for such a crapfest. I.e., I love a bad movie that "knows" it's bad (B-movies). Anyway, this lead me to "bad" scenes. Usually, there's a defining scene in a bad movie, that pinnacle of crapitude, where I realize this travesty will be seared into my eyeballs for years to come.

Most often, it's recently viewed movies and scenes that come to mind. But after reading a posting about bad A-lister movies, I was reminded of Tom Cruise's (1992) schmaltz-fest, Far and Away.

In that case, the bad scene was the last scene. Mercifully, I don't remember the rest of the movie, except that it consisted of Tom Cruise acting like...Tom Cruise affecting a crappy, Lucky Charms, leprechaun Irish accent.

In the finale, Cruise and then main squeeze Nicole Kidman (really Nicole, you could do better), are participating in a homesteading land rush. Essentially, someone fires a pistol and a bunch of desperate settlers rush out across the landscape to claim their slice of heaven. It made no sense, whatsoever.

Cruise climbs aboard his horse (poor animal) and starts to gallop over hill and dale. Uh-huh. Except, the animal isn't moving at more than a slow lope. My grandma and her walker could move faster. (Well, my grandma's dead, but she can still move faster.) I 'spose Cruise was too valuable to be allowed to really gallop. To make it look like he's galloping, Cruise flaps his arms like a chicken. The horse looks really irritated.

All the extras run...really slow. Cuz they gotta let him win, doncha know?

At this point, blood started to splurt from my eyes like a horned toad.

Movie highlight: Somebody, I can't remember who, but bless his heart, somebody shoots and kills Cruise's character*.

I cheered.

Happy Friday. (Previous two posts contain garden photos for Mom or any curious onlookers.)

(*If I'm remembering incorrectly, if he doesn't die, I don't want to know. As far as I'm concerned that guy is feeding the worms. It makes me happy.)


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