Ramblings from the Desert

The man who trades freedom for security does not deserve nor will he ever receive either. ~Benjamin Franklin

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Location: New Mexico

Author of the urban fantasy novel, The Music of Chaos, and the paranormal romance, The Canvas Thief.

Friday, May 19, 2006

I'm A Team Of One

I hate it when people say, "There's no 'I' in 'team.'"

Bullshit. Sure there is.

Equipo. Spanish for team.

So take your monolingual catch phrases and stick 'em up your...
Crap I Drew on My Lunch Break is funny, especially when making fun of religious wackos.
Conversations with a Fat Girl. In which I find I'm hated.

Hated by fat women. Hey, the book says so; it must be true. I'm not sure why I read chick-lit, or for that matter, why I tolerate it over most romance. Chick-lit heroines are insane. On the other hand, every other romance heroine is too-stupid-to-live. Since I operated under the assumption that I have a brain, and am full aware of my disconnect with reality, it's far easier to relate to insane.

Conversations is about an overweight twenty-seven year old who is--surprise, surprise--unlucky at love and has self-esteem issues. One of those times where "voice" makes a difference because I can't relate to the weight thing.

Yeah, I'm an evil skinny chick. I also can't run more than a block without going into cardiac arrest. Heart disease has drawn a big ole target on my ass.

Anyway, the protagonist's best friend is a former fat girl who, thanks to gastric bypass surgery is now a size 2. Size 2.

Other than the models in Old Navy commercials, who can really wear a size 2? I can't wear a size 2, at least not without removing several ribs and a few internal organs. The book goes on and on about size 2 being some sort of benchmark for women everywhere. Really? Most women I know think a size 6 is skinny.

As a sidenote, this whole sub genre--chunky girls make good--is rather hypocritical. The gals whinge about how the world (read "men") only look at their packaging, rather than their pretty, pretty personalities. Meanwhile, they set their sights on the hunkiest guy in a hundred-mile radius. No nerds or fat guys for them. Yeah, I know. That's not the point. It's about how overweight women are perceived in this culture and giving the chubby girl the hunk sets the world in karmic balance. Blah-blah-blah.

It still strikes me as hypocracy.

But it's an amusing read.

Ghosts of Albion: Accursed, on the other hand, is a "television star (sort of) gets published because she's a television star" kind of book. Just to remind folks who she is, the publisher added Amber Benson's photo to the "My First Photoshop Project" cover.

(Benson's character played Willow's girlfriend on Buffy the Vampire Slayer in what I characterize as the most unbelievable, unsexy lesbian relationship, evah! I was a million times more drawn into the lesbian love story, told in flashback, in the movie "V for Vendetta." Brought a tear to my eye, it did.)

Okay, to be honest, the original online animation of Ghosts of Albion kept me entertained. At the time, however, I was working at a soul destroying job and just about anything on the Internet kept me entertained. But the writing in this novel was flat and forced, the characters uninteresting and sometimes too stupid to live, and the romance...icky.

I bailed at about page 150. Out of curiosity, I skimmed the remainder of the book and came across the love scene. In it the male character refers to his member as a "prick." I dunno. Maybe this is supposed to reflect some Victorian era convention, but I find it unbelievable that a man would equate his thing with a needle. "Prick" is derogatory. My guess is the writers thought "penis" was too clinical, "dick" too contemporary, and "cock" too crude.

The kicker came when I read a passage that went sort of like this: "...she grabbed his pego." On the first read, I thought she had reached for the hero's favorite bottle of spaghetti sauce. It turns out "pego" is a Victorian era term for a penis. The term isn't used before that, it's just plunked in there as if to say, "Lookie, I did my research into Victorian slang."




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