Ramblings from the Desert

The man who trades freedom for security does not deserve nor will he ever receive either. ~Benjamin Franklin

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Location: New Mexico

Author of the urban fantasy novel, The Music of Chaos, and the paranormal romance, The Canvas Thief.

Thursday, April 27, 2006

Thirteen Books I'll Never Finish

Inspired by Doug Hoffman's posting of the same name. I don't have an inner philistine. She's an "outt-y," loud and proud. Books or series that I'll never read.

1. Neuromancer by William Gibson. You lost me in the first paragraph.

2. Anything by Herman Melville.
Fuck Ahab, fuck every character Melville's ever written except the whale. Go Moby.

3. The Chronicles of Thomas Covenant series by Stephen R. Donaldson.

Random character: Thomas, you are our prophesized one. Save us.
Thomas C.: This isn't real. I'm miserable. Leave me alone, I've got teenage girls to rape.

The next fantasy fan boy-girl who tells me this series is a must read, gets their still beating heart ripped out of their chest.

4. Wheel of Time series by Robert Jordan. Bitchy women and the pussy-whipped men who should beat them bloody.

5. The Left Hand of Darkness by Ursula Le Guin. This is great, why? I so agree with the famous rejection letter.

6. The Life of Pi by Yann Martel. See, if you tell me I simply must read a book, I can't do it. Lions and tigers and a boat, Oh, Zzzzzz.

7. The Chronicles of Narnia series by C.S. Lewis. Got through the Wardrobe book when I was a kid. Never got any farther. It seems my inner heathen recognized the biblical indoctrination, even if my conscious mind didn't. Hmmm. On that note, avoid anything with "Chronicles" in the title.

8. The Silmarillion by J.R.R. Tolkein. I'm not that much of a geek.

9. The Da Vinci Code by Dan Brown. I'll wait for the movie, thanks.

10. The Horse Whisperer by Nicholas Evans. Just because a book is about horses, doesn't mean I'll read it. Given horse trainer John Lyons's take on the movie adaption, I'm not interested.

11. Anything by H.P. Lovecraft. If I wanted to read prose this dense, I'd wade through Neuromancer or Left Hand of Darkness.

12. Sense and Sensibility by Jane Austen. Petticoats and shit. Why bother, really? If absolutely necessary, there's the movie with Alan Rickman. Yum.

13. The Dark Tower series by Stephen King. In which King discovers big words: "The desert was the apotheosis of deserts..." King is my hero, but, sheesh, talk about prose trying to hard.

Thursday and the weekend approaches...
P.K.

 

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