Ramblings from the Desert

The man who trades freedom for security does not deserve nor will he ever receive either. ~Benjamin Franklin

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Location: New Mexico

Author of the urban fantasy novel, The Music of Chaos, and the paranormal romance, The Canvas Thief.

Monday, February 13, 2006

On The Day Before Heart Day

Found in my spam mail box, on this day before Valentines...an advert for an "enlargement patch" and another for "improved sperm morphology." I was tempted to respond to the first, asking if it works on women, too. If I slap a patch on each breast, will I too, "see results in minutes"?

Since Saint Valentine was a Christian, if I decide that the inferred religiousity offends me, and wish people a "Happy Heart's Day," will the Right-Wing fundies claim I've declared War on Valentine's Day?

Just wondering.

Guys have it easy on Valentines. Just get the usual--chocolate, flowers, stuffed animals--and you're gettin' some tonight. (J-Man doesn't have it easy because I don't like any of the above.) Granted, women have it easy as well. Just pull out your breasts and say, "You. Nekkid. Now."

But really, what do you get a guy for Valentines?

Mine already owns every tool that Sears sells. Heck, Sears comes to us when they're out of stock. There's the lingerie option. Meh. Basically, I buy an itchy lace number that I wear for about twenty seconds (less time than it took me to squeeze into it and hook up the garters), and he's a happy camper. Couldn't I just get naked and skip the rash on nethers?

It's not like he's willing to wear undergarments that make him feel foolish. I've tried talking him into the underwear with the elephant face and the trunk for his ying-yang. No dice.

I could shock the shit out of him and clean the bathroom. The mold is getting uppity. This morning it told me I needed to lay off the doughnuts. Maybe it's time to roll up mah sleeves and make like a domestic goddess.

But I don't want to be a diety. There has to be an easier option.

This looks promising, if I can get an X-Box version. He can game and I can....

Hmmm.

P.K.

 

Graphics and Content Copyright © Patricia Kirby 2005