Ramblings from the Desert

The man who trades freedom for security does not deserve nor will he ever receive either. ~Benjamin Franklin

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Location: New Mexico

Author of the urban fantasy novel, The Music of Chaos, and the paranormal romance, The Canvas Thief.

Thursday, February 02, 2006

Cruel and Usual

I wonder what midgets think of mini-bars.

Squee! It's just my size.

Dressed in my day-off finery--sweatpants and a T-shirt so dirty they have a personality--I slouched on the couch, watching the telly. Today's info-tainment included a story about wedding announcements and the people who make fun of them.

I've said it before. I don't understand the allure of a wedding that costs more than a small, economical car. And anyone who brags about the event deserves all the snark the Internet can serve up. Of course, some say "That's just mean."

Nelson is studying cyber-bullying, or the use of electronic media to put others down. He said it's easier for people to be mean when they can do it anonymously.

"They know they aren't going to be accountable, so they do and say things they'd never do if their name was attached," he said.

Pat Kirby. The name is Pat Kirby.

Not surprisingly, research shows that jealousy drives a lot of such behavior.

When the J-Man announced our engagement*, we were given two options: a wedding, poofy dress and all, or a honeymoon in Hawaii. (*Involved us saying, in between "Pass the salt" and "More mashed potatoes, please," "Oh, by the way, we're getting married.")

Where Big Wedding afficionados would be obsessing over flower arrangements, the J-Man and I were hanging on a tropical beach. It's hard to be jealous in fucking paradise.

Veiled Conceit is one such "mean" site. For folks preferring a forum format, there's Wedding AnnouncementsReview.

Most of the wedding announcements read like a race horse pedigree, tracing lineages back to the Stone Age. If anything, the announcements are a study in "too much information," as many share the story of how they met and mated.

The only other celebrator was Elizabeth Marlyn Formidoni, a pert blond law associate with a big anchovy and capers pizza.

A big anchovy? Ah, she's a he. I thought same sex marriages weren't legal in New York? And he-she isn't just blond, he-she is "pert." A pert transvestite.

"I was flirting with Beth through her food," he said, something he's made a habit of doing. "Also, my food was also considerably duller."

"...flirting...through her food"? He grabbed her "big anchovy" and gave it a tug? And what is dull food? Pot roast?

The announcements make a point of letting us know the women are independent, modern, take-your-name-and-shove-it, kind of girls.

Ms. Thornton is keeping her name.

Of course she is. The guy's name is "Leach."

I'm sorry sweetie, but not only will people assume you took your husband's name, but they'll do the old "Mr. and Mrs. Alexander Leach" thing on Christmas cards. Very annoying.

One bride used the announcement to promote her novel-in-progress.

The couple, both Manhattanites, became acquainted online in December 2003, an experience the bride has incorporated into the manuscript for what is to be her next novel. In the manuscript a murderer goes online - using a dating service similar to the one that brought together Ms. Burke and Mr. Simpson - to meet and become intimate with his victims before killing them.

The couple also like to incorporate Sesame Street characters in their sex life.

But her online courtship with Mr. Simpson was more Sesame Street than mystery novel.

Note the professions of most of the brides and grooms--lawyers.

Gays should be able to marry. There should, however, be a constitutional amendment prohibiting the marriage of lawyers.



Graphics and Content Copyright © Patricia Kirby 2005