Ramblings from the Desert

The man who trades freedom for security does not deserve nor will he ever receive either. ~Benjamin Franklin

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Location: New Mexico

Author of the urban fantasy novel, The Music of Chaos, and the paranormal romance, The Canvas Thief.

Thursday, January 12, 2006

Lost, The 23rd Psalm

"Are you going to beat me with your Jesus stick?"

Best line of the episode, coming from Charlie. To the puerile, it might have qualified as the gayest line. The honor of gayest moment, however, goes to Michael and Sawyer.

Kate and Sawyer are sitting on the beach. (K.I.S.S.I.N.G. Oops, sorry, that was Kate and Jack, last episode.) Anyway, Kate is "cutting" Sawyer's hair. I use the term loosely because all she's doing is toying with his split ends, no cutting involved. Michael slinks over to the pair. He casts sideways glances at Sawyer, mutters something like, "I'm glad you're doing better," and slithers away.

"Huh," says my J-Man. "On the raft, they were bickering like a married couple."

"Michael's feeling the lurve," I say.

What? Michael's not gay? Well, somebody's gotta be. The Island is otherwise very diverse: Middle easterners, Africans, Hispanics, Evil Infants, and the insane (Anna-Lucia). Where are all the gays? Is there a "don't ask, don't tell policy?"

Michael's guilt has its root in something sinister--his new chat room addiction. After making eyes at Sawyer, he heads for the bunker where he logs onto the computer of doom. In a few seconds, he gets the response he wants. "Dad?" Seconds later, Walt, or a pedophile posing as Walt, arranges a meeting at an undisclosed location in the jungle.

Just then, Jack enters the room like a big, dumb dad. "Hiya, Beave. Whatcha doin'?" Michael goes from his usual chocolate brown to a nasty shade of green. Oblivious to Michael's discomfort (no bedside manner), Jack pulls up a chair and makes small talk.

The bulk of the episode focused on Eko's backstory. Cut to an idyllic Nigerian village. A group of boys play soccer on a dusty field. Among them is a very large boy in virulent green T-shirt. The play is interrupted by the arrival of a truckload of thugs. The thugs round up the boys and hand a handgun to one, demanding that he shoot an elderly man. The boy fumbles, but can't do it. The large boy grabs the gun from the smaller boy and shoots the man. When asked his name, he says, "Eko." The thugs clap him on the back, take him away and make him a drug lord. Before he is taken, a thug tears away a cross that hangs on his neck. After they leave, the smaller boy picks it up.

Meanwhile, Claire makes small talk with Mr. Eko and succeeds in exposing Charlie's secret stash in the Virgin Mary statue. Eko hauls a mightily protesting Charlie off into the jungle, demanding to know the location of the rest of the stash.

Charlie lies and takes Eko to a false location. But Eko is the anti-Yoda. He knows. He roughs Charlie up and Charlie admits to the lie. Only Charlie's brain has spent too much time in the drug frying pan, and he can't remember where the plane is. Eko sends Charlie up a tree for a look. We learn that there are no trees in England, or at least, children never learn to climb. It's pathetic, really.

And along comes the The Thing in the jungle. Shrieking like a train engine, the Thing emerges from the thick brush in a cloud of toxic black smoke. Charlie screams, "Run," but Eko stands his ground. He gives The Thing that look: "Nuh-uh. You know you don't wanna mess with me." Duly chastened, The Thing retreats and slithers back from whence it came.

After killing the old man in the Nigerian village, Eko grew up, traded in his ugly green tee for a funky leopard spotted shirt and developed a taste slitting people's throats. Because he's bad but has a hard of gold, he tries to convince his brother, the smaller boy from the village, now a priest, to help with a scheme to rid Nigeria of heroin. His brother doth protest much, but eventually agrees to take Eko's money in exchange for a fake priesthood for Eko. Eko also purchases several cases of Virgin Mary statues from his brother.

In the jungle, Charlie and Eko continue to the plane. Charlie Hobbit chirps and babbles along the way, growing more annoying with every step. Mr. Eko is a saint. I would've beaten Charlie bloody by now.

"Dear Charlie: Merry was the smart hobbit. Pippen was the imbecilic, yet lovable hobbit. 'Charmingly stupid' is not your shtick. Move along, please."

Charlie and Eko find the Plane that Unmade Boone and Eko heads inside where he finds a mummy priest. Tearing aside the priestly garb, he finds The Cross. Next, he clutches the dead body prop--its brown head covered in black lint--to his chest and J-Man and I let out a collective "Ewwwww!"

"If I vanished and you found my desiccated body, would you give it a hug?" said J-Man.

"Um, er, yes, no...will I have gloves and a mask?"

Apparently, just as Eko and henchmen were about to board the drug plane, his brother showed up. Seconds later, the militia followed and in the mahem, Eko's brother was shot and killed. Eko loaded the body on the plane but a henchman kicked Eko off the plane. (Can't get good help.) The militia mistook Eko for a priest. He went on to find himself on the Island of Dr. Moreau, where he kicks Others' ass and in his spare time prays and carves scripture onto his Jesus stick.

I think it's high time Charlie started doing heroin again. He was much less annoying when he had a roaring drug habit. Fuck the War on Drugs.

Eko is cool, so I like this episode. The whole bad guy who is redeemed shtick works for me.

WTFIS? Where the fuck is Sayid?

(Giggle. Eko and the Henchmen sounds like an Eighties band name.)

Next time, Michael heads out to meet his Internet predator.


Graphics and Content Copyright © Patricia Kirby 2005