Ramblings from the Desert

The man who trades freedom for security does not deserve nor will he ever receive either. ~Benjamin Franklin

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Name:
Location: New Mexico

Author of the urban fantasy novel, The Music of Chaos, and the paranormal romance, The Canvas Thief.

Thursday, January 12, 2006

Job Opening!



An exciting opportunity with Empress of Evil Productions, purveyor of pain, panic and mayhem since...ahem, well a lady never admits her age.

Minion I
Requires:
*An aptitude for evil.
*High pain threshold.
*Must like working with dogs and ponies.
*Computer skills.
*Mechanical skills.
*Some night hours. (Evil is a 24-hour job.)

Duties:
*Spreading mayhem throughout the universe.
*Cleaning up after Rat Dog and Greyhound.
*Delivering bags of flaming dog excrement to deserving porches.
*Stealing from the rich and giving to the Empress's Swiss bank account.
*Switching left and right turn signals on all vehicles within a 100-mile radius. (Although the effect would be negligible in New Mexico.)
*Separating babies from candy.
*Separating the stupid from their money.
*Spearheading legislation to prevent celebrities from breeding. (We know. That's a good thing.)
*Unscrewing the tops of restaurant saltshakers.
*Destroying Precious Moments figurines everywhere.
*Foot massages.
*Empress of Evil's personal sin eater during "that time of the month."
*Food taster. (Serving the Empress's spouse, on those nights when she attempts to cook dinner.)

Other duties as assigned.

The particulars:
Salary--negotiable, depending on experience.
401K and generous profit sharing. Health, dental and life insurance. All the kittens you can eat. (Thanks to the Greyhound, the "baby bunnies" option is no longer available. We apologize for any inconvenience.)

We are an equal opportunity (EEO) employer and do not discriminate on the basis of race, gender, sexual preference or species.

Send resume and references to:
IamCute@EmpressofEvil.net

***
Company News
Congratulations to Bob the Bionicle who has been promoted from Minion III to Management. (He's dumb, but has cool toys.) The Rat Dog will begin her World Tour of "Evil Under the Guise of Cute" next week. And Nikster the Wonder Horse's mane is growing back. (Flamethrower incident, we shan't speak of it.)

Happy Friday!
P.K.

 

Graphics and Content Copyright © Patricia Kirby 2005