Blog Resolutions

*I will not make any attempt to lose weight. And if I do, I will not chronicle my progress on this blog. "This blog follows my journey from fat person to thin and healthy." Ugh. Nobody gives a shit, seriously.

*I will not start an exercise program and chronicle my progress on my blog. If God Almighty wanted me to run, he would've put me in the Stone Age and set a saber tooth tiger after me.

*I will continue to drop the f-bomb. "Fuck" is a lovely word. (Yes. My mother does read this blog.)

*I will make more midget jokes. Can't lose with midgets.

*I will continue to be politically incorrect. Not "little people." "Midgets."

*I will use the word "penis"and all its colorful euphemisms--trouser snake, mud turtle, man root, etc.--more often. If only because it generates amusing Google hits.

*I will continue to be brutally honest about the books I read. "But you're a writer, Pat. All this honesty will revisit you in spades." Of course it will. Karma. I'm not stupid. But I fail to see the point of discussing books if all I can say are nice things.

*I will not put up a tagboard and my email address will continue to be buried deeply on the page. (I only check that email account once a month anyway.) Tagboards are desperate cries for attention.

*The cutesy dog cartoons will continue until further notice.

*More cartoons with nipples. Nipples aren't obscene. Nipples are neato.

*No photos of me on this blog. If you need to see a tit-less, foulmouth, Mexican redneck chick, you can tune into any episode of "Cops."

*If I use the acronym DH, I mean Deranged Hobbit.

*I will continue to be nice to all who stop by...but the day a troll rears his/her head, I'm gonna smack 'em down. My blog, my rules.

*No shilling for money, including ads, on this blog. Especially no Paypal donate buttons. If I need money, I should get a J.O.B., no?

Happy Tuesday,

P.K.