Ramblings from the Desert

The man who trades freedom for security does not deserve nor will he ever receive either. ~Benjamin Franklin

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Location: New Mexico

Author of the urban fantasy novel, The Music of Chaos, and the paranormal romance, The Canvas Thief.

Monday, November 21, 2005

Never-Never List

*Never open the door to a Jehovah's Witness. Should you accidentally find one on your doorstep, say: "Where's my pizza? You're late. I don't have to pay for this. Your ad said, 'Free if delivered more than thirty minutes later.' Gimme my damn pizza."

*Never assume a car or home repair task will only take "a few minutes." This'll only take five minutes. See, it says right here on the box. Uh-huh.

*Never assume a horse task will only take...you get the picture. For example, I might head out to the barn, thinking, It'll only take twenty minutes to trim Nikster's hooves. Twenty minutes later, a pool of blood (mine), and one trimmed hoof later, I realize the error in my calculations.

*Never go to Costco. It's Evil. No, not in a "obliterate small business, trample workers' rights," kind of way. Rather its depravity lies in its ability to make me spend money. Never, never, taste the free samples. Therein is the path to poverty. I resisted and resisted and then...tried some beef tamales. Came home with a King Kong-sized box of the bloody things.

*Never get behind a blond on a cell phone--I could stop there, eh?--driving an Eddie Bauer Limited Edition Expedition with a rear panel covered in magnetic empty sentiment ribbons, hauling her 2.5 kids. You might be present when she careens off the road and kills two joggers.

*Never sit next to a baby on a plane.

*Never log onto the Internet. Especially if you are supposed to be meeting a deadline. Whoosh! Buh-bye Mr. Deadline.

*Never take yourself too seriously. Nuff said.



Graphics and Content Copyright © Patricia Kirby 2005