Ramblings from the Desert

The man who trades freedom for security does not deserve nor will he ever receive either. ~Benjamin Franklin

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Location: New Mexico

Author of the urban fantasy novel, The Music of Chaos, and the paranormal romance, The Canvas Thief.

Tuesday, November 01, 2005

Death To the Skanky

The Wingnut Fundies are still trying to make sure naughty girls die for their sins. Bad girls deserve to get cancer, right? See the wingies are opposed to the HPV vaccine.

Because the threat of cancer, decades hence, will keep kids from sex. Uh-huh. Works with smoking, eh? [sarc.] "Yee-Haw. I got my HPV vaccine. Time to make the beast with two backs!"

About a month ago, I found this , a hilarious account of a reporter who "infiltrated" an abstinence only conference.

Roughly 100 folks have now gathered in a large conference room for the evening's events. The crowd is composed entirely of African-Americans, Hispanics, Asians, and Jews ... just kidding. It's not only very white here, it's whiiiiiiiiiiiiite. Most of the people are poodle-haired old ladies in flower-print shirts; they all seem to have a small-town glow.

Oh, Lord, now that's scary. Most of the time, I pass as a Gringo. But in the presence of folks like that, I get to feeling very brown.

"Great [that] we're getting our message out there: Co-habitation is not the goal. Awesome [that] we're getting our message out there," she says, noting that marriage causes less disease, alcoholism, and depression than "living in sin." "We have the studies. We have the documents. We have science backing us up. But the message that society gives off, that's our battle."

Ah, so the wingies like The Science when it proves shit they believe. Last I checked, marriage is the leading cause of dee-vorce.

A female volunteer is brought up from the audience. Chunky blond gal narrates as tall, lanky guy holds a paper heart. She says that he and his girlfriend decide to have SEX. Complications. "She breaks up with him and breaks a piece of his heart."

Tall, lanky guy tears off part of his heart and gives it to chunky blond gal. This same interaction occurs again. More sex. More paper-heart-tearing.

"Now he has a really dinky heart," explains the chubby gal.

So sex leads to dinky hearts...and one presumes, really interesting fiction.

"Why do we choose abstinence?" asks chunky blond gal. "Like the 'Pieces of My Heart' skit, I want to give myself to my husband. I don't want to think of another woman there."

Because wedding nights with non-virgins are always a menage a trois. See, we skanks have way more fun.

Tall, lanky guy adopts a pirate voice and explains the three R's -- responsibility, religion, and respect.

Weren't pirates all about raping and pillaging? What next, a Hitler voice for the diversity seminar?

Tall, lanky guy points to a button on his shirt that sports a picture of a dog and the slogan "Pet your dog, NOT your date."

Or pet your pumpkin!

"We're trying not to make this a real controversial topic," explains the director, a soft-spoken woman in a pink top. "What is your organization's policy on contraception? When I say this, I mean artificial contraception."

Where "natural" contraception is U.G.L.Y.

With that, she launches into "A Modern-Day Fable About Holly and Steve." A slide shows Holly and Steve hugging and holding flowers, much as happy couples do. Then trouble enters paradise. "Holly began taking oral contraception: the pill. She gained 10 pounds and felt tired and irritable. She couldn't maintain her full-time job. She soon felt resentful at Steve's sexual advances. No one in her circle of Christian friends had experienced this.

I heard menapause does that too. Menapause must be Evil.

Once we separate sex from creating children, she says, the door is open to a whole (pardon my French) hell of a lot of trouble: "Protestant Church tolerance of birth control paved the way to the legalization of homosexuality, sodomy. And you know where we are today with gay marriage."

Ah, I was wondering when they'd get to The Gays.

To emphasize this, she calmly shares the story of a married couple's first time having sex. "When they were coming together, they could see the Lord," she explains. "They could see the Lord, they could see children. Do you not hunger for that kind of experience?"

This is worst than that The Lovely Bones book, with grandma looking down on you from Heaven. Lawd, now there are kids in the room and the Almighty himself. Might as well get out a camera and make a video.

Teenagers shouldn't be having sex. But the abstinence-only crowd isn't about keeping children safe. It's about punishing women who have dare to have The Sex and pushing a particular religious agenda.


Graphics and Content Copyright © Patricia Kirby 2005