Ramblings from the Desert

The man who trades freedom for security does not deserve nor will he ever receive either. ~Benjamin Franklin

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Location: New Mexico

Author of the urban fantasy novel, The Music of Chaos, and the paranormal romance, The Canvas Thief.

Tuesday, November 08, 2005

A Barrel of Monkeys

**About that, why would a bunch of angry, claustrophobic, shit-flinging simians be fun?

**Why do dog feet smell like Fritos corn chips?

**Why do Fritos corn chips smell like feet?

**Heard this morning on the radio: "Women never forget. Tell a woman her favourite green sweater looks like Astroturf and she'll remind you every time she wears that sweater." Uh-huh. So why can't I ever find my bloody car keys?

**Why Latinos can't be terrorists. (additional versions at Guabancex blog) The ongoing theme in all the ethnic versions--None of us get up early enough in the morning. Apparently the early bird gets the worm and downs the plane.

**How to amuse yourself (without going blind [wink]). Get between the husband and the latest Victoria's Secret TV commercial. He about broke his neck trying to look around me.

**Why's the Family Values crowd the nastiest, pervy-est of all? Check out Scooter Libby's novel--bestiality, rape, lesbian sex and more. It's a big seller.

**The name Scooter sounds like somethin' you'd name a dog with impacted anal glands.

**I don't think I'll age gracefully. There'll be lots of tripping, skinned knees and tantrums.

**Instructions on tearless puppy shampoo: "Avoiding eyes, apply liberal quantity of shampoo and work into lather."

**Instructions on shaving cream: "Contents under pressure, do not heat for warm lather."

**I am disturbed by the new Raid Ant & Roach killer: "Outdoor Fresh Scent." Death in a can shouldn't smell nice. Maybe that's the problem with the war in Iraq: no fresh smelling armaments. "Armour piercing rounds, now in fresh-baked bread scent." Or maybe that's where the Saddam's Weapons of Mass Destruction went. They're right under our nose.

Weapons Inspector: [Scratches head] "I dunno. Didn't find any mustard gas. Just a bunker full of pine forest air fresheners."

Any-way, I awaiting the day some idiot sues Raid because he used their product as an air freshener.

 

Graphics and Content Copyright © Patricia Kirby 2005