Ramblings from the Desert

The man who trades freedom for security does not deserve nor will he ever receive either. ~Benjamin Franklin

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Location: New Mexico

Author of the urban fantasy novel, The Music of Chaos, and the paranormal romance, The Canvas Thief.

Thursday, October 06, 2005

Lost, Orientation


Carlos Ponce has nothing to do with "Lost."
If he did, he'd be relegated to some minor role in favour of Jack and Locke-centric storylines. But in the absence of Sayid, I bring you a hot Latin actor.

Moving on...

Last week it was all about Jack. This week we delve into the Id of Yoda/Locke. But first, Sawyer and Michael are still trying to figure out why Jin is so fixated on bovine mammary glands: "Udders, udders." Just then The Others show up, captained by a Black Man of Unusual Size. (Get your mind out of the gutter. He's tall.) Black Man has a big stick which he uses to beat the boys like piñatas. The Others wrap the boys up in fishing nets, drag them home and dump 'em in big hole in the ground. The big hole that represents that gaping wound in their psyches.

Hell, I don't know. I didn't understand a much about this episode.

This week's annoying commercial: the Shakira V-phone spot. Yep, Gringos can't dance.

Back to when Locke's scalp wrapped its nekkidness in a really bad comb-over: His shiny forehead juts forth like an un-carved Mount Rushmore. Locke, along with several other people, is sitting in some sort of encounter group. A pointy-featured hot chick whings about her mother who borrowed thirty dollars and never paid her back. And it--sniff, sniff--makes her "feel" so bad. Crap, it's like watching a Lifetime movie.

In best moment of the episode, Locke slaps down her damaged inner child, telling her to "get over it." Bwah! Then he ruins it with a pity party--"My father stole me kidney, blah-blah." This leads to a hookup with fellow damaged-person Helen, who tells Locke she digs bald guys. She takes him home to play hide the train in the tunnel. Five minutes later, Locke is getting dressed and Helen is hurt because he won't stay the night. Honey, when you do the hookup thing with a stranger, you bloody well can't expect them to stick around for breakfast.

This is the running theme of the flashbacks. Locke gets some and then slithers away to stalk the Father Who Doesn't Love Him. Helen, her head filled with visions of wedding dresses and little Yoda/Lockes, pursues him. She lays down an ultimatum: "It's me or him." Locke almost chooses Dad, but then takes a "leap of faith"--no, I don't get it either--and chooses Helen. Maybe.

This all somehow ties into the current happenings in Dr. Evil's Yellow Submarine. When we last saw the gang, Jack and Desmond were in a Mexican standoff, with Locke's bald head in the middle. Now, clever monkey Kate is climbing around in the HVAC system. She emerges and finds Desmond's armoury. My husband is much impressed when she picks a shotgun: "Can't miss with a shotgun." For once, it's someone other than Jack to the rescue. Kate sneaks up and bonks Desmond over the head with the shotgun. Trigger-happy Desmond gets off a shot, and alas, misses Jack and kills a hapless computer.

Overcome with grief over the demise of his electronic buddy, Desmond wails about the end of the world and countdowns. Turns out the magic numbers must be typed in the computer every 108 minutes...Or something Really Bad happens. Locke believes all of this because he's a Man of Faith and Jack, evil Man of Science, thinks it's nonsense.

In the hole in the ground, Sawyer tries to save the day, but he's not Jack. Michael and Jin lift him to the top of the hole, but Large Black Man sticks him with a big knife. Then Large Black Man gives the boys a woman. Hospitable, eh? It's Francine, the woman who hit on Jack in the airport! In a move so obvious it could be seen from space, Francine turns out to be a mole. She kicks Sawyer's ass, takes his gun and Large Black Man hauls her out of the hole. (Why does Sawyer still have the gun, anyway?) That's it. That's the subplot of the Three Multi-cultural Bears.

Locke and Jack sit down to an Orientation film for life in the yellow submarine. The sub is part of project Dharma cooked up by hippies in the Seventies. Damn hippies. "Fucking liberuhls," says my husband. "With all their evil science." We get shots of polar bears and science projects. Honestly, this is way more interesting than any of my work orientations. Ours always consisted of admonitions against pinching co-workers' asses.

Jack thinks it's all crap and stalks off in a snit. (Desmond, meanwhile, has already run away to "safety." Dude. You're on an island.) In a totally worthless encounter, Jack runs into the fleeing Desmond. Desmond remembers Jack is the guy from the stadium, the guy agonizing over a female patient. Jack admits he married the woman. In the weirdest moment of the episode, Desmond closes in on Jack and says, eye bright with hope, "But you're not married now?" Did he just come on to Jack?

In his one appearance of the episode, Sayid, Iraq's own MacGuyver, arrives at the yellow submarine and saves the day. Jack returns and Locke tells him he must push the "Execute" key. "Take a leap of faith," he tells Jack. Talk about beating a dead horse; that horse isn't just dead, it's skeletal. Anyway, Jack finally gives in and pushes the button. Just as the countdown hits "1." Beep, beep, beep, cliche alert!

The day has been saved and Locke settles in for a lifetime of babysitting the Device of Doom. Hurley, who came along with Sayid, eyes Desmond's secret snack chamber greedily.

Next week. Jin learns English!

Weakest episode so far in terms of character development, but the glimpses of "what's going on" were intriguing.

Uh, where are we? Thursday. Right. Happy Thursday.

Pat K.

 

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