Ramblings from the Desert

The man who trades freedom for security does not deserve nor will he ever receive either. ~Benjamin Franklin

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Location: New Mexico

Author of the urban fantasy novel, The Music of Chaos, and the paranormal romance, The Canvas Thief.

Wednesday, September 14, 2005

Who'd You Eat Today?

I'm tucking into a big bowl of Ramen noodles--college food--and celebrating the bankruptcy of the Aktins company. Yeah, re--flippin'--joycing.

Atkins dieters are like born-again Christians. You know: Just found Jesus and can't shut up about it?

Really? So where did you find Him?

Darndest thing. Under the couch's seat cushions

At least Christians got the whole eternal salvation thing. All Atkins dieters have is a cleverly-marketed way to behave like fascists. Back in its hayday, every other person was on Atkins. Every last one of them super defensive about their wonder diet. It's like they knew it was stupid.

"Oh, so you're on Atkins?" I would say. (Just to be polite. I really didn't give a shit.)

"Yeah and I've lost twenty pounds. Twenty pounds!" The retort accompanied by aggressive in-your-face posture. ( Would've been fun to pull out a scale and say, "Right. Prove it.") If this had been a few hundred years ago, I'd expect them to pull out a rapier and say, "Thou doth bismirch the noble protein?"

"Hey, buddy. Get a grip. Have the pasta primavera."

Couldn't go shopping or eat out with an Atkins cultist. Then you'd have to listen to the whole self-important litany of stuff demeaned unholy. Pasta and bread, okay. But then a former employer told me oranges were naughty. Oranges. Yummy, tangy, and full of Vitamin C. Off limits.

Shee--it. If the only way to lose weight is to give up oranges and pasta, and bread and every food worth living for...then I'd rather weigh five hundred pounds and require a fork lift to move my fat ass around the house. I'd get me one with the little backup sounds: beep, beep, beep.

Anyhoo...didja know that Ramen had a homepage? Yeah, everybody has a webpage or a blog. If he'd been at large now, Jeffery Dahmer would've had an LJ and a Friends list composed of fellow cannibals.

Jeffery Dahmer, the ultimate Atkins cultist.

Just got Eleven On Top by Janet Evanovich. Last few books were a tad weak, but got big hopes for this one. On a loooong waiting list for The Historian. Given what reliable sources have said about the literary take on Dracula, I can wait.


A few hundred words yesterday. Going through a nothin's interesting phase. BlahVille.

P. Kirby


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