Ramblings from the Desert

The man who trades freedom for security does not deserve nor will he ever receive either. ~Benjamin Franklin

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Location: New Mexico

Author of the urban fantasy novel, The Music of Chaos, and the paranormal romance, The Canvas Thief.

Tuesday, September 20, 2005

To P.T. Barnum, With Love


So Britney Spears hatched--like a big, white-trash egg.

The race is now on to be the first to get pictures of her spawnling and once again I'm aware of my disconnect with my gender. The only people interested in seeing Brit's brat are women. Come on, how many times have you see a bunch of men gathered around the water cooler, digging into a heap of celebrity gossip? "Brad and Jen. I can't believe it. I thought they were built to last."

Magazines are paying photographers huge sums to hang out of helicopters and hide behind trashcans in the quest for the illusive baby beast. Photographers, who for the most part, are men. To sell magazines to desperate housewives at the grocery checkout line. Irony, much?

The question is why? Newborns are ugly. U.G.L.Y. Head squashed-in, no nose, Rosemary's baby, scary-fugly. And they all look alike. Black, brown, white; same; same; same.

If you've ever handed me a picture of a newborn and I said, "Cute," I lied. Friends included. Friends, especially.

"Sweet Jesus, What--Is--That?" is not conducive to looong friendships.

Years later all those newborns are now good-looking children. (Of course, my friends only make beautiful people.) But the freshly-minted versions of those children? Nasty.

But as long as somebody out there is interested in seeing something that looks like a prop on a horror movie, the magazines will pay serious mullah for pictures. There's a sucker born every minute and I want to be there to empty their wallet.

New career--this week--I'm going to be a celebrity photographer. Whoops. I think I just killed my Mom. (Mom? Mom?)

Guess I shouldn't mention the stand-up comic idea?

FOR THE HUMOUR IMPAIRED: Some parents do have a sense of humor. Photos sent in to an ugly baby contest.

 

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