Ramblings from the Desert

The man who trades freedom for security does not deserve nor will he ever receive either. ~Benjamin Franklin

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Location: New Mexico

Author of the urban fantasy novel, The Music of Chaos, and the paranormal romance, The Canvas Thief.

Thursday, September 15, 2005

Diez Mas Cosas

The monthly "Ten Things You Don't Know About Women" from Esquire. (October 2005 issue, by Judy Greer)

Oh, and dear editors, please leave off with the cologne samples. Every time I open the damned mag, I'm transported back to that time on the elevator with creepy, cologne-heavy, "I touch myself" guy.

(Trying out "expanded post" format thingy. Click the "More, Please" for rest of posting)

1. We're way more vulgar than you. We just aren't as loud.
2. We don't really mind when you leave the toilet seat up. It's evidence that you didn't piss all over it. (That's one way to look at it.)
3. We drink till you're cute, too.
4. Whoever told you that we love spooning is wrong. You fall asleep immediately, and we're pinned under your heavy, sweaty limbs, trying desperately to break free before you start snoring. And yes, you will start snoring.
5. No, we don't want to listen to you play the Gun's N'Roses son you just learn on your guitar or bass or drums). We're not in college anymore. Sitting on your couch while you struggle through "November Rain" is painful. Have mercy.
6. "You're so smart" actually means, "You''re so adorable when you try to act smart."
7. Sexy beats cute. Smart trumps sexy. Funny takes the pot.
8. When we say "cool," "really," "wow" and "huh," we're not listening either.
9. We don't really expect you to like romantic comedies. We just make you watch them as payback for all the baseball games, Metallica concerts, and Super Bowl parties we sit through with you. And for the record, we, unlike you, have yet for fall asleep in the middle of any of them. (Speak for yourself, sister.)
10. We never fake orgasms. Okay, once in a while we do. But only for the sake of expediency.

Friday, whew!

 

Graphics and Content Copyright © Patricia Kirby 2005