Ramblings from the Desert

The man who trades freedom for security does not deserve nor will he ever receive either. ~Benjamin Franklin

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Location: New Mexico

Author of the urban fantasy novel, The Music of Chaos, and the paranormal romance, The Canvas Thief.

Wednesday, August 03, 2005

Another Vampire Killing Kit

Same source as previous. This one only works on Christian vampires, though:

1. THE FIRST ITEM IS OF UTMOST IMPORTANCE. AS EVERYONE KNOWS THE FIRST DEFENSE WHEN FIGHTING VAMPIRES IS THE CROSS. IT SYMBOLIZES RELIGION AND EVERYTHING THE VAMPIRE IS AGAINST. THIS CROSS IS BEAUTIFUL AND MADE OF CAST ALUMINUM WITH BEAUTIFUL DESIGN WORK. IT MEASURES 17" TALL AND 10 1/2" ACROSS

And I'd be a tad more impressed if the seller could spell. I guess Hugh Jackman's depiction of Van Helsing was dead-on accurate. Pretty, but stupid:

THERE IS ONE VIAL OF RED LIQUID USED TO INTISE THE VAMPIRE OR LEAD HIM TO WHERE HE IS MOST VENERABLE

An eternal existence without Italian food. Poor vampires:

THE NEXT CANISTER IS FILLED WITH GARLIC POWDER AND THE NEXT WITH GARLIC CLOVES, VAMPIRES ARE KNOWN TO HATE GARLIC AND SUSPECTED VAMPIRES WERE OFFERED GARLIC TO EAT TO SEE IF IT WAS REFUSED.

Solder Mr. Vamp in his coffin (of course solder is used to fuse metal to metal, but why quibble over details):

THERE ARE 4 LEAD FILLED BRASS TEMPERATURE RELEASED CAPSULES. ONE WAY OF DESTROYING A VAMPIRE IS TO BURN IT IN ITS COFFIN AND BY PLACING ONE OF THESE CAPSULES IN THE EDGE OF THE ENCLOSURE THE LEAD WILL RELEASE AT 255 DEGREES AND SEAL THE COFFIN SHUT.

I bet a Rotozip works wonders for lopping off the head of the undead:

THIS NEXT VERY IMPORTANT ITEM IS USED IN THE FINAL PROCESS OF KILLING THE VAMPIRE AND ONE OF THE ONLY KNOWN WAYS OF KEEPING THE UNDEAD DEAD. THE NEXT ITEM IS A 12" FIXED BLADE KNIFE USED FOR DECAPITATION. IT IS SAID THAT THE HEAD SHOULD BE REMOVED AND PLACED BETWEEN THE LEGS OF THE VAMPIRE AND THE REMAINS BURNED TO ASHES.

Heh. Seller has a sense of humour. Yesterday the Nikster crapped up a horse apple that looks just like Karl Rove. Think I should put it on eBay?

WE ALL KNOW THAT VAMPIRES DON'T EXIST AND OR ONLY A FIGMENT OF OUR IMAGINATION.

WHAT DO YOU BELIEVE???

COME ON CASINOS THIS WOULD LOOK GREAT IN YOUR LOBBY.
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Happy Wednesday.

 

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